Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
