I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
