you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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