If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
