so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
