I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
