please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
