I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
