people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
