shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
