Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
