even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
