The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
