It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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