So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
