I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
