i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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