Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
