I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
