K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
