And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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