just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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