She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
