Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize