I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
