Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
