im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
