She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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