I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
