This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
