If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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