New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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