the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
