I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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