i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
