Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
