So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
