You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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