He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize