Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
