I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
