I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
