So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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