Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
