What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
