Just fell off a train. Bad.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
