we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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