the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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