It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
