He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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