Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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