After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
