tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
