I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
