When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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