i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
