He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
