I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
