i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
