Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
