Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize