I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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