Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
