Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
