Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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