I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
