my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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