How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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