Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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