My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize