she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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