you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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